The How We Got Through project connects elders with younger Bostonians for recorded phone conversations during the pandemic about life and how the elders got through tough times.

In this interview, Pamela Taylor, a retired human resources manager, talks with Unique Washington, a student at New Mission High School, about the most difficult experience of her life: the loss of her mother, who was her very close friend.

Below, Pamela describes how her mother came to live with her. Read the longer, edited transcript of Pamela’s conversation with Unique here.

Pamela: When my grandmother went into her last stage of Alzheimer’s, which is the worst stage, my mother quit her job to stay home because my grandmother kept wandering outside, and we always had to send the police looking for her. So my mother and I shared taking care of her.

And then when my grandmother died, my mother was really, really all alone. Because she had no brothers and sisters, and she was used to sharing the home with her mother. 

So she showed up one day, and she rang the doorbell, and I opened the door, and there she was!

Literally. She had a suitcase on the porch, and her little portable TV in her hand, and she said, “I’m coming to live with you.”

Unique: (Laughs).

Pamela: (Laughs). Now, I was stunned. Because my mother and I--I don’t know if you have experienced this as a daughter living with your mother, but typically mothers and daughters struggle. They have this thing going on.

And my mother and I ALWAYS used to get into tiffs and arguments. She was strong-willed, very bossy. She wanted perfect kids--a perfect daughter and a perfect son--and we just...we loved each other, but we just couldn’t get along.

So when I bought my house, and I moved into it, I had freedom! I said, “This is my house, I can be the boss of my house.”

And I lived in my house alone for about 15 years. I loved to entertain. And then here she comes with her TV and suitcase, and she says, “I can’t stand living alone. I’m going to live with you.” 

So what was I to do? You know, I had four bedrooms, and it was just me (laughs), so of course, I said, “Okay!”

So when I first bought the house, and I walked around and I looked at it, I said, “Wow, this is kinda big.” And the real estate woman said, “Is it just you? Do you have any children?” I said, “No.”

But you know, something in my head, in my heart, told me, “You know, this is okay. I can turn one room into an office, one room into a guest room, so that leaves two other rooms that I can put a sleeping couch in-- or, my mind said, if something ever happened to my family members, they can always come and stay with me. 

So that day came!

And I gave her the biggest room, which has two big windows. It already had an old bed in it and an old bureau and a big closet. So when she moved in, all she had to do was unpack her suitcase and put her little TV on top of the bureau. But over time, she bought a brand new bedroom set--very pretty--and she made the room her own, and it took on her personality.

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